The Cairo Market Scene, Updated Edition
SWORDSMAN [sword brandished]: Heh heh heh heh heh…
[INDIANA JONES pulls out gun from holster.]
CAIRENE SHOPKEEPER [hand on Indiana Jones’ hand]: Stop! Don’t do that!
INDIANA JONES: What do you mean? There’s a man with a sword in front of me!
CAIRENE SHOPKEEPER: Yes, but you have a gun. A gun compared to a sword—it’s clear this isn’t a fair fight.
INDIANA JONES: “Fair fight”?! What are you talking about? Both of these weapons kill, at the end of the day.
EUROPEAN ONLOOKER: But he’s at it from a position of weakness. You’re well-armed, with a weapon that can strike from afar, while all he has is the last resort of the poor and weak—the sword.
INDIANA JONES: Then what are you suggesting? That I just let him do what he wants?
EUROPEAN ONLOOKER: Shooting at him would be a disproportionate response! Only if he’s in the same stature as you—Western, wearing a suit, armed with a gun—only then can you be possibly justified in using your gun. Even then, violence isn’t the answer. You’d better work things out with him to solve the dispute peacefully.
INDIANA JONES: “Work things out with him”?! Can I have some of the stuff you’re smoking? Look, that man is standing, flipping his sword with the clear intention of killing me!
EUROPEAN ONLOOKER: How do you know it’s with the intention of killing you? You aren’t versed in those things, so let me tell you: it’s the custom of the East to brandish traditional weapons so as to thwart, beforehand, any attempt of foreigners to appropriate that which belongs to them, to the natives. No intention of killing you, just a warning to cease and desist from oppression.
CAIRENE SHOPKEEPER: You heard what he said: respect, respect, respect! Don’t step on the turf of another like that. [To his friends, whispering]: We’ll deal with the European later. In the meantime, he’s very helpful to us.
INDIANA JONES: OK, so I won’t shoot at him now. But I can’t just stand here, motionless!
RUSSIAN SALESMAN [to swordsman, presenting a cannon to him]: Here, Achmed, I’m offering you a state-of-the-art gun at a very competitive price.
INDIANA JONES: What the…?! That’s heavy artillery, guys! No way I could win this fight if he gets that!
EUROPEAN ONLOOKER: Good, it’ll get you to exercise more restraint before you put your hand on the trigger. I already told you: talks are the only way to go.
CAIRENE SHOPKEEPER: And it’s not as bad as it looks. He actually needs it for his urban renovation plan—he’s demolishing his house and building a larger one for his wives. It’s for peaceful purposes.
INDIANA JONES: For peaceful purposes? Who are you trying to kid? This is a weapons-grade cannon, built for nothing but mass destruction.
ARNOLD TOHT: You have nothing to fear. It is peaceful, just like my nunchaku here is really nothing but a shirt-hanger.
INDIANA JONES: I… I’m still suspicious…
CAIRENE SHOPKEEPER: Jones, it’s well-known that you have your own cannon in your arsenal, hidden there, just waiting to be used in a state of emergency. Everyone is entitled to such a deterrent device. I’m considering purchasing one myself.
MARCUS BRODY: Assuming that’s true, what does it say to you that Indiana Jones, despite years of getting into life-endangering situations, has never used it so far? And what can convince him that this swordsman is to be equally trusted?
CAIRENE SHOPKEEPER: Jones is a Western colonial with a long history of coming to our lands uninvited, plundering everything he can. That he does so under the pretext of archeology is no excuse. We need advanced weapons to defend ourselves from him and the likes of him.
INDIANA JONES: I can’t stand this anymore! He wants to kill me, and I’m going to…
EUROPEAN ONLOOKER: Don’t! You could start a riot! And if you attacked first, people everywhere would hate you with undying hatred.
RUSSIAN SALESMAN [with servants, dragging the cannon along]: Here it is! That’ll be 20,000 rubles, please.
INDIANA JONES: All right, now he’s armed better than me, I’m not waiting any longer.
CAIRENE SHOPKEEPER: No! You can only attack in reaction. If you attack first, you’ll be the aggressor, and, as our European friend can tell you, that is grounds for hauling you to court.
INDIANA JONES: OK, let’s talk.
EUROPEAN ONLOOKER: Good, now you’re behaving rationally!
[SWORDSMAN moves his cannon to position.]
INDIANA JONES: I propose an exchange of some of my archeological findings.
CAIRENE SHOPKEEPER: 50 percent now, and the rest will follow later. You will have your right to cross the market.
[SWORDSMAN loads a cannonball and readies the cannon to fire.]
INDIANA JONES: 50 percent is quite fair, isn’t it? What do you need the rest for?
EUROPEAN ONLOOKER: 50 percent is only your recent acquisitions. You’ve stolen a lot more ever since you visited Cairo for the first time.
CAIRENE SHOPKEEPER: Remember, it’s only fair and just that you return everything, and compensate for it. And you want to reach the other side of the market so much…
INDIANA JONES: Very well, I’ll…
[Cannon fires; cannonball hits Jones and kills him on the spot.]
RENÉ BELLOQ: Ha ha ha! Ha ha ha! Ha ha ha ha ha!
Must such events as in this parable take place? No. But there is another parable that most surely will take place: that those who covet Jerusalem, Zion, G-d’s Chosen City, home of His Temple, will face a fate similar to those who coveted and stole and opened the Ark of the Covenant in that Indiana Jones movie.
And he who understands will understand!
Hat tip for the inspiration for this whole post goes to sister BabbaZee of LGF, who on on one of the open threads remarked on Yousef Al-Qaradhawi’s quote, “They fight us with the Torah, so we should fight them with the Koran”:
It's like taking a knife to a gun fight.
Yousef Ekkin Stoopid.
You go, BabbaZee!