Losing Elections and Wars for Fun and Prophet

This isn’t an actual book yet, as you may well have guessed. It’s an idea, and it begins as most ideas do, with a rough sketch, a preliminary outline. That’s what this post is about. The following tips, if applied consistently, can help any non-Muslim group of people cling to the course toward Islamic overlordship. Many, but not all, of the tips here were applied by the US administration from 9/11 onward and, while not so critical as to lead to the whole shebang of shariah law, have cost political power to those involved. Other tips were carried out elsewhere.

1. Don’t identify the enemy. If you really must, wait until at least half a decade after the attacks.
2. If you have to use the I-word and M-word, always qualify them with a modifier such as “radical”, “extremist”, “militant” or “political”.
3. Don’t turn this into a religious war. That’s the stuff of the Middle Ages, a horrible period in history, unlike our age, in which everything always can be and has been solved through negotiations and material concessions.
4. Don’t turn this into a clash of civilizations. Huntington is a crackpot. You’re much better served by following the ideas of Fukuyama, which are still applicable after the demise of the happy Clinton years.
5. Keep in mind that the other side is just like you. They have the same dreams as you have. The fact that affluent, settled members of theirs suddenly went to suicide bombing missions is irrelevant.
6. Know that the other side is as sensible as you are, and amenable to all manner of rational persuasion. Just remember never to wave cartoons of their prophet in front of their eyes, that’s culturally insensitive.
7. Moderate Muslims (the majority of them) should be relied upon to defuse the threat of their extremist brethren (most definitely a tiny minority). They can, of course, be trusted to speak without fear of reprisals, unlike Pope Benedict XVI or Robert Redeker.
8. The main root cause of Arab rage is the immensely huge Jewish Empire threatening to leave them without any lands in the world whatsoever.
9. You should court the other side by using their own language, such as speaking of their “humiliation” under the jackboot of the aforementioned Jewish Empire.
10. Solve all problems by addressing the material cause: the Palestinians are clamoring for a state of their own, and the French immigrant youths are driven to desperate acts by their poverty and the discrimination of the white ruling-class.
11. Work with the other side. If need be, install even a general or Prime Minister from their number to carry out negotiations.
12. Get to know the sacreds of the other side. Mandatory reading: Esposito, Armstrong, Esmay, and anything coming out of CAIR. Stay away from racists like Spencer and Ibn Warraq.
13. Keep in mind that no culture is better than any other, except the oppressive culture of the West, so be ready to allow adulteresses to be stoned anywhere in the world as part of cultural understanding. Don’t be a racist imperialist imposing his values over an innocent world!
14. Upon hearing of another attack, remember: it’s all about self-determination! Every nation wants it, and every nation should have that right (except one nation that was born in sin and is the root cause of all the troubles in the world today). The idea that people could actually be fighting against the self-determination of others is a paranoid thought advanced by the colonialists to justify their imperialistic jingoism.
15. Guerrilla warfare can’t be won. It just can’t. So whenever a people rises against you with acts of insurgency, it’s best to comply with their demands right away.
16. All people want democracy. Once gained, democracy is here to stay. There has never been a case in history where democracy was used by the people to elect leaders completely opposed to it.
17. Democracy is about majority rule. More than 50% of the voters deciding for shariah law means that’s what there’s going to be.
18. When attacked, do not, repeat, do not cave in to righteous anger. Knee-jerk reactions to the attack, even if they look sensible in the passage of time, should always be rejected. Especially if they’re by Ann Coulter.
19. Listen to everything the other side says. When told to change the name, “Operation Infinite Justice” to “Operation Enduring Freedom”, or when called on for racism upon hanging effigies of Osama Bin Laden, that’s the way to go. You don’t want to give people reasons to hate you.
20. World opinion is the ultimate, infallible arbiter of right and wrong. Keep that in mind in all your dealings.